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Lonely and captured by ~puk:iconpuk:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Old Poetry Structure > Rhymes


Lost in a memory, caught in a dream
Always alone, no one hears me scream
Too tired for living, too empty to die
Hiding within the rain that falls from the sky

Transparent thoughts and glass-like mind
Telling my secrets, the words behind
But no one remembers, I'm gone with the rain
Washed away from their minds again

Time is passing, it never stays
My thoughts are flying from place to place
My eyes, they wander, I watch and I see
The minds around me, there's no place for me
©2003-2009 ~puk
:iconpuk:

Author's Comments

Well.. I just felt like writing something, and since I'm feeling kinda down, it turned into this. I know it's a lot like all my other poetry, but I guess that's just my style.

I think everyone feels like this sometimes?

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconcine:
~cine Sep 13, 2003, 7:27:31 AM
+fav o_____o I love this one

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<3
:iconhoyboy1986:
~hoyboy1986 Sep 13, 2003, 7:33:20 AM
The rhyming seems forced in this, like you started with a few rhyming lines and had to shape the rest of the poem around that rhyme scheme. There is some good imagery tho' and the flow is good :)
:iconpuk:
~puk Sep 13, 2003, 7:35:10 AM
*shrugs* I always make poetry like that. o_o 'Course, I'm not good. ._.

--
I'm cute. Love me! :D
:iconhero-of-time:
~hero-of-time Sep 13, 2003, 7:36:27 AM
your really good at poetry

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Bow down to the ultimate power of the Pikmin Master!!!
:iconelsa:
~elsa Sep 13, 2003, 8:27:33 AM
Neato poem. x) You know me; I like the depressing theme.

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<3.
:iconnorithics:
~norithics Sep 13, 2003, 1:11:09 PM
I disagree with ~hoyboy1986. I think that this poem works out well. I don't feel that anything is forced at all. The isolated feel of this forms a good rhyme, and I like it.

--
If I've never critiqued your work before, take it in stride. After all, I'm just trying to help, and you can always ignore/note me.
:iconmary99:
~mary99 Sep 18, 2003, 2:07:21 PM
I love it! you're so good... your poems are so expressive! I wish I could write like that...

--
WDA

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Siggy's Rock. ^-^ I need more siggy peoples! :O
:iconelsa: :iconridi: :iconcine: :iconpuk:
:iconnef:
:iconpuk:
~puk Sep 18, 2003, 10:44:29 PM
Aww, Mary, you're making me blush~ n.n;;

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I'm cute. Love me! :D
:iconsilver-rage:
~Silver-Rage Nov 10, 2003, 7:54:06 AM
Wow this is awesome.

--
I will survive somehow I always do.
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September 13, 2003
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